It seems that everyone has some kind of Christmas song in his or her heart. People walking down the street whistle "Winter Wonderland" on their way to work. Transit employees mumble the tune to "Feliz Navidad" in the subways. Hell, even the striking workers across the street have modified their pro-union chants to fit the structure of holiday classics (though "Jingle Bells" is slightly more entertaining when its first lines of the chorus are "Aramark, you're no good"). Now, not that I don't appreciate peoples' holiday spirit - I find it rather endearing, actually - it's their hideous vocal ability that upsets me.
It's not just people on the streets, either. This is the time of year when artists release their own brilliant renditions of holiday classics. Their biggest problem: the original recorded versions of these tracks are so canonical that any "update" sounds like a step backwards rather than a step forwards. There is a profusion of Christmas records, and only a tiny percentage worth hearing. It is, after all, difficult to compete with the likes of Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, and Peggy Lee. Particularly if your name is Kenny G.
Luckily, some artists are smart enough not to compete with the classics. Among them is the recently deceased James Brown. His 1995 compilation, James Brown's Funky Christmas, is exactly what you'd expect from the man - complete with all sorts of sexualized yelps and soulful interjections to go along with the mistletoe and figgy pudding.
I have uploaded my favorite track on the record for your enjoyment:
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